Entry: Changes Friday, June 25, 2004

Another day, another slice of sanity regained...

My moto for the day.

Wouldn't it be nice sometimes if you could put your life on rewind but stay the same so that you could go back and relive some events and maybe try *not* to lose certain people along the way?

I'm unfortunately having one of those evenings where a song or two remind me of a bygone day when I and someone no longer in my life used to be close. It makes me pause to wonder why we're not in each other's lives anymore, and I can't think of a good reason.

That in turn leads me to wonder if the situation is a screw up on my part alone, or if there was mutual foobarritry at work.

I really just want to pick up the phone and talk to my old friend and see how she is, but I don't think I can do that anymore. (Certainly not at 2 a.m. but probably not at all.) There seems to be too much time under the bridge. I try to reach out across the gap but there doesn't seem to be a hand at the other side reaching back. I've tried to call a couple of times but there's never a call back.

So does that mean that the memories mean nothing, that the other person has had too many things happen since then to want to remember those days, or that I have screwed up in such a grand fashion that the memories have been tarnished? I don't want to believe that she's just the sort of shallow person who could care less. I knew her for too long.

What to do, what to do... At this point I'm almost afraid she will answer the phone and I won't like what I hear.

A lot of nostalgia lately because I'm learning to remember the good things without dwelling on the bad or downright horrible.


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